Ending the day. It seems like it should be a slow motion movement toward sleep. One slows down maybe has a cup of tea. You spend time catching up with personal friends on email or FB. Maybe read the day's mail or what's left of the morning paper. Then there is the self-care that happens. Maybe a book or some other reading. And then you make your way to bed. Seems so peaceful and relaxing.
At least it was before children! When do the evenings become relaxing again? Do I need to wait until they are teens or when they move out? Because clearly it isn't a quiet process around here with my two girls! It seems that getting ready for bed is also the perfect time to dance on the bathroom step stool and fall off nearly every night. It is also the time to pretend to brush your teeth but really just chew on the tooth brush. It is also a great time to test how fast you can run down the hall. And best of all it is to see if you can find every one of your mom's "buttons" and push them in a painful and repetitive manner!
Do they speak in code to each other? "Let's see how long until she cracks?" Is it a hard-wired sibling communication skill like ESP? "Hey, first you do this then I'll do that." "Ha-ha, that will really get her strung out!"
Maybe I am too eager to put them to bed so that I can enjoy the relaxing evening I described above while I still have a little energy left for myself! Guess I will get started on my second cup of tea so I can relax and fall asleep.
Until next time, B
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Balance? What is that?
There is some myth out there called the work/family balance. What is it and how do I do it? It is as if there are only two issues that women seek to balance. I envision the Scales of Justice. On one side is the gold plated bowl hanging from a chain with the image of my husband, two dogs (well they were the "practice children") and then my tow daughters. And on the other side, in another gold plated bowl is work. Lots of books and magazine articles claim to have tips to help you achieve balance. Build a schedule, become more efficient, set limits, use boundaries, blah, blah blah. I envision this gold plated, stoic woman draped in a toga (like the Statue of Liberty) looking serene with an arm outstretched holding the scale. She looks beautiful. But the problem is, I am not that stoic woman.
I am a nearly 40 year old woman, wife of 12 years, mom, non-profit director, struggling runner, long distance daughter and sister, and tired. I am tired a lot... Most days 'serene' is not a word I would use to describe myself. It's not that I am neurotic, but hmm... Mostly I feel frazzled, overwhelmed, like I am just "doing my best", maybe even just treading water.
Some days I feel like it is a well oiled machine - this family and work thing I have going. But other days it is challenging at best. Sure the days that I start off with self-care like yoga or a good run, I feel better. But isn't it crazy that the sheer act of getting out of the house on time with lunch boxes, shoes, jackets, etc. can evaporate any good vibes you had going. Then there is the drop-off at school or day-care... It is amazing to me that I can be singing a children's song one minutes and checking my email on my blackberry at the stop light the next minute. Should I be doing this? Who's to judge? Is this quality time or am I taking advantage of a free moment?
A dear friend of mine suggests I should meditate to find a sense of calm and well being. Maybe that will help. Will it stop my compulsion to check-in with work to get a jump on my tasks and to-do lists? Maybe so. I have read some of the book that she has loaned me. It is a lovely book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. It sounds great and maybe I will finish the book and give it a try. I think I will begin with baby steps first - I'll start with two minutes and build up. She advises me that my life is about to be "transformed"! Wow is that possible? Am I open to the possibilities? Do I resist the concept of meditation because secretly I am addicted to the adrenaline of my day and fear being calm?
For now, I will plan on waking up early and taking a run. I think I am serene as I listen to my breath and my foot-falls on the pavement during my run. Maybe that is my meditation zone. We'll see. Perhaps I look for balance differently each day. Maybe a string of days that are closer to the middle actually averages out and you feel balanced. I am not sure but I will let you know.
Until next time, B
I am a nearly 40 year old woman, wife of 12 years, mom, non-profit director, struggling runner, long distance daughter and sister, and tired. I am tired a lot... Most days 'serene' is not a word I would use to describe myself. It's not that I am neurotic, but hmm... Mostly I feel frazzled, overwhelmed, like I am just "doing my best", maybe even just treading water.
Some days I feel like it is a well oiled machine - this family and work thing I have going. But other days it is challenging at best. Sure the days that I start off with self-care like yoga or a good run, I feel better. But isn't it crazy that the sheer act of getting out of the house on time with lunch boxes, shoes, jackets, etc. can evaporate any good vibes you had going. Then there is the drop-off at school or day-care... It is amazing to me that I can be singing a children's song one minutes and checking my email on my blackberry at the stop light the next minute. Should I be doing this? Who's to judge? Is this quality time or am I taking advantage of a free moment?
A dear friend of mine suggests I should meditate to find a sense of calm and well being. Maybe that will help. Will it stop my compulsion to check-in with work to get a jump on my tasks and to-do lists? Maybe so. I have read some of the book that she has loaned me. It is a lovely book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. It sounds great and maybe I will finish the book and give it a try. I think I will begin with baby steps first - I'll start with two minutes and build up. She advises me that my life is about to be "transformed"! Wow is that possible? Am I open to the possibilities? Do I resist the concept of meditation because secretly I am addicted to the adrenaline of my day and fear being calm?
For now, I will plan on waking up early and taking a run. I think I am serene as I listen to my breath and my foot-falls on the pavement during my run. Maybe that is my meditation zone. We'll see. Perhaps I look for balance differently each day. Maybe a string of days that are closer to the middle actually averages out and you feel balanced. I am not sure but I will let you know.
Until next time, B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
