Balance? What is that?

There is some myth out there called the work/family balance. What is it and how do I do it? It is as if there are only two issues that women seek to balance. I envision the Scales of Justice. On one side is the gold plated bowl hanging from a chain with the image of my husband, two dogs (well they were the "practice children") and then my tow daughters. And on the other side, in another gold plated bowl is work. Lots of books and magazine articles claim to have tips to help you achieve balance. Build a schedule, become more efficient, set limits, use boundaries, blah, blah blah. I envision this gold plated, stoic woman draped in a toga (like the Statue of Liberty) looking serene with an arm outstretched holding the scale. She looks beautiful. But the problem is, I am not that stoic woman.

I am a nearly 40 year old woman, wife of 12 years, mom, non-profit director, struggling runner, long distance daughter and sister, and tired. I am tired a lot... Most days 'serene' is not a word I would use to describe myself. It's not that I am neurotic, but hmm... Mostly I feel frazzled, overwhelmed, like I am just "doing my best", maybe even just treading water.

Some days I feel like it is a well oiled machine - this family and work thing I have going. But other days it is challenging at best. Sure the days that I start off with self-care like yoga or a good run, I feel better. But isn't it crazy that the sheer act of getting out of the house on time with lunch boxes, shoes, jackets, etc. can evaporate any good vibes you had going. Then there is the drop-off at school or day-care... It is amazing to me that I can be singing a children's song one minutes and checking my email on my blackberry at the stop light the next minute. Should I be doing this? Who's to judge? Is this quality time or am I taking advantage of a free moment?

A dear friend of mine suggests I should meditate to find a sense of calm and well being. Maybe that will help. Will it stop my compulsion to check-in with work to get a jump on my tasks and to-do lists? Maybe so. I have read some of the book that she has loaned me. It is a lovely book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. It sounds great and maybe I will finish the book and give it a try. I think I will begin with baby steps first - I'll start with two minutes and build up. She advises me that my life is about to be "transformed"! Wow is that possible? Am I open to the possibilities? Do I resist the concept of meditation because secretly I am addicted to the adrenaline of my day and fear being calm?

For now, I will plan on waking up early and taking a run. I think I am serene as I listen to my breath and my foot-falls on the pavement during my run. Maybe that is my meditation zone. We'll see. Perhaps I look for balance differently each day. Maybe a string of days that are closer to the middle actually averages out and you feel balanced. I am not sure but I will let you know.

Until next time, B